Cedric Diggory VS Edward Cullen
by Tortured Wings
Summary: What happens when you put Cedric Diggory and Edward Cullen in the same room together? You're about to find out!


**Lmao...this is my first attempt at a crack fic, and I reaaaalllly wanted to express how much I hate pale boys who won't die and think that they're too hot for anyone.**

If you have anything against it, please let me know!!!!!! :D If you flame or anything, I DON'T CARE! :D :D :D

Thanks!  


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Cedric Diggory VS Edward Cullen – The Showdown.

_Me: Cedric Diggory and Edward Cullen, both play the so-called "hotties" in both movies._  
_ So I'm going to ask, who is better? The same actor acts two different people...interesting..._

"Well, I'm obviously better."  
_  
What?! _

"No you're not!" Came another voice. "I am, everyone loves Edward!"  
_  
Okay...now I'm getting confused...WHO ARE YOU?_

"Cedric, of course!" came a boy wearing a "Team Diggory" T-shirt.

"No! _Edward_ is better!"

In came at the speed of light, a pale boy, ridiculously skinny and with a little bit of blood around his lips.

Edward fucking Cullen.  
_  
How is this even possible? Where are you guys coming from!?  
_  
"I used magic, of course," Cedric said, pouting at his nemesis. "Something Edward can't do!"

"At least I'm smarter than a stupid little pretty-boy." Edward said and pointing a pale finger into  
Cedric's chest.

"I know what you are, but what am I?" Cedric pouted.

Edward growled and said "Don't make me bite you, bitch!"

"Ooh! I'm so scared!" Cedric said in mock fear. "At least I'm not pale, lonely and likes to suck the blood out of innocent, fluffy animals!"

"OH!"Edward said, stepping back and saying, holding his dead heart "I find that racist! I find that racist to my kind!"  
_  
GUYS! Break it up!  
_  
Cedric swiftly turned around to look at me and said "Honestly, Katia, how can you stand around letting him insult Robert Patterson and ME?!"  
_  
Because I hate all three, you guys are all useless. You all end up dying in the end.  
_  
"Oh, perfect." Cedric said in a resigned way and turned back to face Edward.

Edward growled and crouched slightly, ready to attack Cedric.

"Anyway, Edward." Cedric said facing Edward. "I can't believe how you stole my spotlight!_ I_ was the hot one until you came prancing along!"

"At least I didn't die in the first movie I was in." Edward said simply as he examined his nails.

Cedric growled and said "And what the HELL is up with you sparkling in the sunlight? What are you, some kind of girls toy? I bet Bella wants to wear you on her finger..."

"Because, I'm a vegetarian Vampire, I get more Vitamin D." Edward shot back, his face getting a little color.

"I can get past a Swedish Short-snout dragons!"

"I can slay them." Edward said simply.

Cedric: -_-

Edward pressed on. "What the hell is up with Cho? She's fawning over you because you were a  
stupid little Triwizard Champion."

"At least I didn't leave my girlfriend for over 6 months because of paranoia."

"What are you talking about?" Edward stabbed back.

Cedric did a cruel impression of Edward.

"Bella, I have to leave you, never see you again, and sleep with a bunch of different other human girls because I love you too much!" Cedric said.

"Oh that is _it_ DIGGORY!" Edward yelled at the top of his lungs. He ran forward and wrapped his arms around his waist and bit into his neck.

Cedric was screaming in pain, and then soon he was giggling.

"OH! EDWARD! MORE! BITE ME HARDER!"

"That's right, bitch, you like my venom!"

Edward snickered but obliged.

He sank into Cedric's neck deeper.

Edward let him go, and allowed him to twitch on the ground.

"You see, all Harry Potter fans, Edward Cullen is better, so you all picked the losing side!"

Cedric got up from the ground.

"HA!" Cedric said, laughing and pointing a finger at the Vampire loser. "I WON! I didn't become a vampire loser like you did!"

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Edward Screeched. "How the hell did you survive my venom!?"

"Because I'm Cedric fucking Diggory." Cedric said and raised his wand.

Edward: -_-

"AVADA KEDAVRA!"

Edward took the hit, but still was left standing.

"How the FUCK did you survive?" Cedric spluttered.

"Because I'm Edward fucking Cullen."

Cedric rolled his eyes.

"Fine...It's decided that we both can't die....so what now?" Cedric asked.

"We both sit here for eternity and discuss how men make love to each other."  
_  
Me: In conclusion, I would like to say how much I hate Edward Cullen, tell him to get a life, or go get a haircut or something, and could I say that HARRY RULES!  
In short, I don't mind Cedric that much but seriously, you need Twilight fans need to give it a break!_

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**  
Hope you liked it!**


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